No one can stop you when you believe in yourself.
I remember myself being that happy chubby little girl running around the trees and chasing butterflies. I used to find beauty in the smallest of things, from the beauty of flowers blooming, to the sounds of wind, to the shedding of leaves. I had an environment in which I was happy and was accepted by everyone, someone whose mouth hurt because she laughed too hard, who’s never tired because she was busy enjoying life and going with the wind.
Growing up, I had lots of friends and there were times when I was teased and body shamed, but I was not someone who gave in to it. I was busy rubbing it off and saying to myself that “I accept myself for who I am.” As years passed, I’ve been pushed around many times for not being “socially acceptable” and my friends circle grew smaller. Sometimes I was so isolated that when people looked at me, they only saw an introvert all by herself. But only a handful knew that I was the opposite and that I was just lonely.
And the teens are the hardest part. Suddenly, it is 9th grade and no one is so innocent anymore. I see everyone judging each other about their looks, behavior and what not? Well, at this time I finally shed some weight and gained some friends. At first it was hard, but slowly the new friend circle brought back the extrovert in me but also, I felt I was losing my identity. And every time I try to stand up for myself, shiver went through my spine and I would go into depression. Yet I never showed it.
I was still body shamed, but I was always telling myself that “I accept myself for who I am”. But this tiny self-consciousness always pulled me back. Then I had to shift to a different branch of my school to take bio – math group. The thought of changing schools when I am finally fitting into this environment terrified me. Exactly during this phase one of my closest friends hurt my feelings and it almost broke me. I cried and cried until no tears were left.
This is when I realized that I was only telling myself that “I accept myself”, but I never believed in it. Then slowly I started to believe in myself and believe that it does not matter what others say unless and until I believe in myself.
I wiped out the tears, looked at the mirror and smiled. I understood that I am not going to let some words break me down. I am stronger than I know. It does not matter how the balloon looks from the outside. It is the within that takes you to the top.
And with my head held high I entered into my new school and my first challenge was the Asst. head girl audition.
This time my legs did not tremble, nor did I let my anxiety come in. The little girl in me who found beauty in the tiniest things finally found the beauty of being herself. For the first time I completely believed in myself and showed that I am worth it. And now here I am the head girl of my school and now no one believes that I used to be an introvert. I understand that believing in myself is the key to attain success and it simply does not matter what others say. ONLY YOU DEFINE YOU.
NSN Group of schools, Chitlapakkam.